I
have travelled to away games by plane, train, tube, car,
bus (open top and public), coach, motorcycle and ferry to watch my
club but the invitation of an away game by stretched limousine in the
lap of luxury was just too good to refuse.
If
you were a regular away follower of Barnet Football Club you will
have clocked up, not including over-shooting motorway junctions and
getting lost following one of my guides, around 5,000 road miles
during the course of this season alone. Multiply that by the number
of seasons you have been a supporter and that is a lot of fuel, wine
gums, cold sausage rolls and lengthy periods of silence!
Way back
in March 2001 - is it really 14 years ago?- Steve Mann wanted to
celebrate his 30th birthday with a trip to Halifax Town, and he
had stumbled on a rather exceptional way of celebrating it. Around
£500 (how much now I shudder to think) acquired the use of an
9-seater, leather upholstered, teak trimmed, blacked-out,
head-turning 5.5 litre Lincoln limousine complete with televisions,
video (vhs), cocktail cabinet, air conditioning and quadraphonic
sound system, from 10am to 10pm with distance and destination no
object - quality you will agree?
 |
| The Usual Suspects |
At
9.30 am, via McDonalds in Barnet for coffee, our little suited and
booted firm of 8 congregated outside the Queens Arms for a photo
shoot in front of the black beauty and to load the enormous boot with
the copious amounts of beer and snacks! Ray the pony-tailed
chauffeur, who hailed from St Louis and therefore must have set off
really early, greeted us not only with a very pleasant disposition
but also with an ominous warning about the ride characteristics of
the vehicle and that if any body didn’t travel too well or indeed
over indulges themselves on the journey, they are well advised to sit
by one of the doors!
The
first crate of beer was opened as we approached the High Barnet
Underground station, and Mannie was soon passing round the samosas,
savoury eggs, sausage rolls (told you), tuna fish and sweetcorn
sandwiches (I threw my one of those out the window thank you), cashew
nuts, peanuts and Pringles to the singing of ‘Happy Birthday To
You’.
A
service area stop somewhere near Coventry for ‘nature calls’ and
more photographs allowed us to stock up on a few more nibbles, and
inflate our ego’s even further as increased attention from other
day trippers focused on our transport, and with my old Bees scarf
wedged in the sun roof too.
 |
We
had telephoned ahead to the Shay and had been most graciously offered
a guaranteed parking space in the main car park alongside the players
coach. The limo certainly caused a few eyes to pop out as if on
stalks as the locals and a few youths in Halifax tracksuits waited
with baited breath to see which celebrities would be stepping out of
its doors. We alighted as dignified as the alcohol in-take would
allow as the disappointed sighs swept around the car park. There was
no Rod Stewart or Noel Gallagher, just us! We decided to try and gain
entry into the Banqueting Suites rather than slum it in a pub and
whether it was our dress code or just Keith Doe’s £5 back hander
to the doorman, we were in.
Compliments
came thick and fast from the barstaff and a £40 whip easily made
nearly 3 rounds of drinks (those were the days) . The great John
Doolan and his dad, John Senior were seated at a table and before
nipping off to the changing rooms JD proudly introduced us to this
jovial Evertonian and his Dad then duly joined us for a chat and a
beer. Yes I did remember the 1969-70 Everton midfield of Howard
Kendall and Alan Ball together with the famous own goal by Sandy
Brown, Johnny Morrisey, Jimmy Husband and England full backs Henry
Newton and Tommy Wright etc etc!
 |
| JD |
I
shall delete this space planned for a paragraph to report on the
match in view of the performance but for the record we lost 0-3 in
front of 1,639.
Back
in the Banqueting Suite after the game, another £40 whip disappeared
rather quickly. Soon it was back to the limo for the journey home.
More local envious looks and a wave and a chuckle from the Barnet
players on their coach accompanied our shaky walks from bar to car.
Within seconds of leaving the Shay the next crate of beer was opened
as a refreshed Ray sped us off towards the M62. During the toilet
stop and refuelling of the Lincoln, Statto was made to endure an
extremely degrading walk through the service station as after zipping
up his fly and washing his hands, Mannie splashed water all over the
crotch area and down the right leg of his very light coloured suit
trousers.
The sight of the huge real wheel buckled and without a tyre was quite chilling, as was the evening air, as was also the remains of the tyre rubber rescued by Andy Morgan about 100 yards back on the grass bank. We took more photos, had more wee wee’s and swallowed more beer on the roadside as Ray completed the wheel change to a hearty round of applause.
What
do you do when the beer and the Sunny Delight, laced with Vodka, runs
out? Our solution was sing louder and laugh longer as we neared home.
Ray dropped me off virtually outside my door and then after
goodnights and handshakes all round the Lincoln disappeared into the
Potters Bar night bound I think for Wood Green. There might have been
two Limos, not sure!
Back
in my front room armchair with a coffee reflecting on the game and
reading the programme, it appeared to be a disappointing day at least
from one angle. Yet from others it was a pure delight and a pleasure
to be chauffeured around in style in luxurious comfort, and in great
company representing Barnet FC. Would I do it again, yes most
definitely.
I
recommend the experience to anybody but prepare yourself for a day of
glamour, excitement and unadulterated ego-lifting fun.
No comments:
Post a Comment